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Self-Esteem

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Unfortunately, many people go through the childhood trauma of some sort. Pia Mellody, author of “Facing Codependence,” (I highly recommend by the way) describes abuse as “anything less than nurturing.” Think about that for a minute. (To be honest, I’m not sure if that was written in her book, or if it was something she said in her trauma training workshop I participated in several years ago.) Nonetheless, it’s a bold statement. Anything less than…

When the Pursuit of Perfection Inhibits Our Best Effort While recently cleaning and organizing my office, I happened upon an old issue of Psychology Today containing a piece by Eric Maisel detailing the intellectual limitations many of us face in pursuit of our personal and professional goals [“The Smart Gap,” October 2013]. While reading, I began to think about how the idea of perfection often prevents us from striving for the best outcomes we are…

Negative Core Beliefs: Agreeing to Disagree One of the central facets of negative-thinking patterns and Negative Core Beliefs comes not from the negative thought alone, but from our willingness to agree with it. For example, if I find myself uncomfortable and anxious in social situations due to a negative core belief that I will say something stupid or awkward and the people I am engaging with will think that I am indeed an idiot, the…

Three Causes of Loneliness and How to Overcome Them I have been thinking a lot lately about feelings of loneliness and how to overcome them. Over the years I have observed an increase in loneliness in my clients and amongst some of the people I know personally. In fact, a recent study has revealed that nearly half of all American adults reported feeling lonely, left out, and isolated. What is important to consider, when it…

The Power of Do It Now!: Why We Fail to Get Things Done One of the components of my MaxxMethod is Do It Now! This component is designed to aid my clients in taking action and working towards accomplishing their goals and realizing their dreams. In my two decades of working with clients, one of things I hear the most is that people often understand what it is they desire and how want to live…

Searching for Love Outside of Yourself At the core of every individual is the desired to be loved. At our very foundation, as social beings, is the need to feel a sense of belonging, that we matter. There is no greater sense of purpose or belonging than the security that accompanies our knowing that we are indeed loved. In my years of working with clients, I have witnessed all too often, individuals who believe that…

4 Steps to Changing Negative Core Beliefs One of the central facets of negative-thinking patterns and negative core beliefs comes not from the negative thought alone, but from our willingness to agree with it. For example, I am amazed at how often my clients consistently believe they’re not good enough. These are people who are often successful in their career, amazing attentive parents, and still do not think they are “good enough.” They’ve adopted this…

Emotional Kintsugi: Self-Compassion is Gold I recently read an article detailing the Japanese custom of kintsugi, which is an artform of repairing broken pottery with a special-formed bonding lacquer mixed with either gold, silver, or platinum. The purpose of the process—central to the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi—is to highlight the imperfections and the history of the pottery, rather than simply repairing the damage so that it is no longer visible. Writing in Architectural Digest, noted…

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